


Every Orphan Knows

by Gildedmuse



Series: 10 Casts A-Crossing [1]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Challenge Response, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen, Lemony Narrator, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Orphans, The Baudelaires Are Wizards Now, Various Fandoms Doubled, Very Flummoxing Developments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 23:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18670681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gildedmuse/pseuds/Gildedmuse
Summary: The Baudelaires have every reason to be wary of meeting their new guardians, Mr. Lupin and Mr. Black.





	Every Orphan Knows

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally written as part of The 12 Days Of Fandom Challenge for 10 Casts A-Crossing around 2009, but I only completed two out of five so never posted.]

**Every Orphan Knows**

 

It is a widely accepted fact that children are, for the most part and for a number of well researched and yet frequently forgotten reasons, simply smarter than adults.

 

This is not true in everything. A four year old, for example, could no more solve complex calculus then I could seak past the detectives ransacking my hotel room unless the four year old were incredibly well read in major mathematical principals or an associate were to drop a very clever disguise down the laundry shoot in which I am currently hiding. However, while adults may know more facts than children, or should if they paid any attention is school, there are a few things that they are so sure they know when in fact they are altogether wrong.  This is true about which vegetables taste the best, how to deal with bullies, and magic.

 

Any adult will tell you that magic does not exist and that it cannot exist. They did not start off believing this, but only grew to believe it because that is what adults use to tell them, and sadly this has been happening for a very, very long time which means there are very few adults who still have the common sense to believe in magic.

 

Mr. Poe was not one of these adults.

 

“I say, children, there is no such thing as magic!”

 

“But Mr. Poe,” Violet said, trying once again to make the banker understand what her and her siblings had seen earlier. “We saw the man disappear, right in front of our eyes! The whole phone booth simply vanished!”

 

Violet was a very astute young girl, a word that means “more clever than most children her age, and even some twice her age, and even some ten times her age”. She is the type of child who would never believe in magic, because she believed instead in science, not understanding just yet the that two were often the same thing. I myself did not learn this until left in a room with a mad scientist claiming to be a wizard who actually, as it turned out, was a very hungry lion in disguise. Fortunately, Violet did not have to escape from a lion. She only had to convince Mr. Poe that she was not foolish and that she really had seen what she saw.

 

She almost wishes she did have to escape from a lion, as that seemed like it would be easier. If Violet had been faced with a lion trying to eat her and her siblings, she would have tied back her hair, looked around the room, and devised a sort of invention that would keep the lion’s mouth from shutting so that it could not eat the children.

 

“Nonsense, Violet.” Mr. Poe coughed. He was always coughing and always telling the children that their ideas were quite nonsense, for that was the sort of adults Mr. Poe had grown up with and now, as an adult himself, he did not know how else to behavior towards children than tell them their ideas were nonsense. “It must have been a trick.”

 

“It wasn’t a trick, Mr. Poe,” Klaus protests for his sister, as Violet seemed to be far too upset to continue arguing. “I have read twenty three books on illusions, tricks, and stage magic and I didn’t see any of the mirrors or hidden spaces that would be required to make a whole phone booth disappear!”

 

Klaus had read many more than twenty three books, although they were on other subjects. He would read on almost any subject, although like all people he found certain subjects more interesting than others. For instance, when he was nine he’d gone through a stage of loving to read about animals, and because of this Klaus would have known that lions do not often attack bigger, louder animals and so he would have stood next to Violet and made lots of noise so that the lion thought they were something scary rather than two edible young children. “What could it have been if not magic?”

 

“Now, Klaus, I don’t think you should say such things,” Mr. Poe points out. “You’ll give your younger sister ideas.”

 

“Decawtes,” Sunny said, which Klaus and Violet understood meant, “I have ideas of my own, thank you very much, and I know for a fact that what I saw was magic!”

 

“See there,” Mr. Poe says, patting the youngest Baudelaire on the head. “Sunny doesn’t believe in such a silly thing as magic.”

 

All three of the orphans frowned at him, but neither Klaus nor Violet tried to correct Mr. Poe’s assumption. Not even Sunny attempted to bite him, although being very small and with only three sharp teeth, Sunny did enjoy biting almost as much as that lion that I barely escaped from. Still, she realized that trying to convince Mr. Poe through a series of nibbles that she did believe in magic would be fruitless, a word which here means “quite pointless, indeed”.

 

“You don’t want to frighten your new guardian, talking about magic and such,” Mr. Poe insisted as he drove the three of them up the long and twisting road towards their latest guardian. The children had gone through a series of very poor guardians although often well meaning. The people the orphans liked ended up leaving or dead and those they did not ended up chasing after them. “Hell think you’re quite mad.”

 

“Won’t he simply think we’re children?” Violet asks, for even if their new guardian did not believe in magic, she could not imagine that he would hate them for doing so. “Don’t most children believe in magic?”

 

If Mr. Poe were going to answer her question it was lost in a series of coughs and by the time he’d recovered, the car was already coming to a stop at the end of the long, winding road.

 

“Ah,” Mr. Poe says, clearing his throat one last time. “Here we are, then.”

 

All three children leaned forward to get a better look, although Sunny had to first crawl up onto Violet’s lap so that she could see anything. What they saw was a very unusual looking house that was just a little too unbalanced on one side in such a way that not even Violet could have invented a way to keep it from tumbling over, only it was in fact still standing. It seemed to be made of a various of objects, most of which Klaus had read about. However, in none of the books had it mentioned them being used to make house of any type, and so the house should have been quite impossible to build. Especially since, as Sunny noticed, most of the objects looked rather soft, which meant they were no fun to bite and certainly no fun to build with!

 

“Well, isn’t this a nice little cottage,” Mr. Poe exclaimed, opening his door and stepped out onto the road. As he did, Violet and Klaus both looked to each other, unsure if they should follow or not.

 

“I have invented many things,” Violet told her brother, “But I couldn’t have built this house. It looks ready to collapse!”

 

“And I have read many things,” Klaus said. “And I have never read of anyone living in a house like this. Perhaps no one lives here.”

 

“Cargo!” Sunny shrieked, which the other two took to mean, “We should convinced Mr. Poe that we do not wish to live in such an impossible looking house!”

 

However, when the orphans looked back up they saw that it was already far too late to convince Mr. Poe of anything. He was already speaking to a man, a tall fellow dressed in a somber looking suit, with long black hair and a rather strained smile.

 

“Ah, children!” Mr. Poe had to pause, coughing into his handkerchief before he could finish. “I would like you to meet Mr. Black.”

 

“I am afraid,” the man called Mr. Black said, “that Mr. Dumbledore isn’t here right now.”

 

“What do you mean?” Violet had become very suspicious of strangers lately, as most of them tried to kidnap her and her siblings. As you know, it is only very rarely that kidnapping is done for good, and of those few times never is it done by strangers and so Violet had a very good reason to be suspicious. “Where is he?”

 

Klaus, who was equally suspicious as his older sister, adjusted his glasses and tried to get a look at the stranger’s ankle. He had figured out that most of the people who wanted to do the orphans harm had a tattoo of an eye on their ankle. Unfortunately, this Mr. Black kept his ankles quite well covered.

 

“Violet, do not be so rude!” Mr. Poe did not understand Violet’s newfound distrust of strangers, and though she had good reason to be suspicious, she was also being rude, which is never polite. “Mr. Dumbledore is a teacher, and he is at class for the day.”

 

At this all three Baudelaire’s perked up, for they all had a fondness of learning and believed in their hearts that no one who was a teacher could ever be truly evil. This, of course, is an unfortunate mistake to make for it is possible for any one of any occupation to be evil, even those we want so to be good. I myself have seen even the most noble of professions turned wicked and so know, as the Baudelaire’s do not, that even though a man may enjoy something like teaching young children or putting out fires, he may change one day so that he then enjoys torturing young children and starting the fires himself.

 

“Does he teach mechanics?” Violet asked, already imagining the things she would build if the man’s home was filled with tools and other such things needed for inventing. Why just standing there her eyes lit up, and she slide her hair back into her ribbon.

 

“Does he teach literature?” Klaus asked a the same moment, for he wanted nothing more than to be in a house full of books. He and this Mr. Dumbledore could have long talks in the library about their favorite books, and maybe exchange them and then talk about them again the next day.

 

“Emrreal,” Sunny gargled, which simply meant that she wondered if this man perhaps taught some sort of cooking class, and therefore the home will be filled with fun and tasty things to bite.

 

“Ah, now children, do not ask so many questions.” Mr. Poe said, lifting their bags from the car and placing them beside the orphans. “No one likes when people ask too many questions.”

 

This may be true, but let me tell you it should not be. If there is one thing this world does not have enough of, it is good people who fight fires. However, if there is a second thing than it is people who ask questions.

 

“Now, you three remember what we talked about,” Mr. Poe said, climbing back in his car. “And try to stay out of trouble.” And with that the orphans were left standing in front of this impossible house with a man they did not know and the order to not ask questions.

 

“Should we get inside, then?” Mr. Black asked, lifting two of the suitcases for the orphans and carrying them up to the house. Violet took the last of their cases and Klaus carried Sunny, and together (and very slowly, for they still were not convinced the house would not collapse on them) they followed Mr. Black inside.

 

The inside of the house appeared almost normal, except not the normal that the Baudelaires were used to. Everything was a little off, like the clock that had stars instead of numbers, and the paintings that looked as though they were struggling not to move. The three orphans stood in the doorway and tried to understand exactly what everything was and found it, on the whole, quite impossible.

 

“Sirius? Is that them?” Suddenly there was another voice, followed by another man, this one also dressed in a somber looking suit although his was brown and much more ragged. “Ah, yes,” he said and smiled, a smile that the orphans felt was very nice although very tired looking. “You must be the Baudelaires.”

 

“Yes, Remus, this is them,” Mr. Black answered. “Who else would be coming up to this place? No one else can even find it!”

 

“What about the postman?” Klaus asked, for even though he was not suppose to be asking question he could not help himself. “Surely the postman can find it, or how would you get your mail?”

 

If the adults heard him at all, they did not answer. Instead, the man in the brown suit stepped down the stairs and walked over towards them. “I’m Remus Lupin,” he explained. “And you’re Violet, Klaus, and Sunny, correct?”

 

“Hep!” Sunny said, which everyone took to mean, “yes, you are quite correct!”

 

“It is good to see you found us,” Mr. Lupin continued, smiling at the three of them, and it was a warm smile so unlike the ones the children were use to as of late, and each one of them found it quite comforting. “It’s a rather difficult place to find, I’m afraid, and when Dumbledore said you were coming we all got a little nervous you wouldn’t find us.”

 

“Well, some of us didn’t think you should,” Mr. Black muttered, carrying their suitcases right up the stairs without another word to the orphans. If Violets question earlier had been rude, this action was quite worse.

 

For his part, Mr. Lupin looked thoroughly embarrassed. “Please ignore Sirius,” he said, still smiling at them as if to try and make them forget about the other man’s rudeness. “He’s been having a bad time of it lately.”

 

“Ignore serious?” Klaus repeated. “But that doesn’t make sense. It should be ‘you should seriously consider ignoring‘ as ignore is a verb and serious an adjective, and therefore you need either a noun or an adverb for that sentence to make sense.”

 

For a moment the smile slipped from Mr. Lupin’s face, but when it returned it was quite bright and much nicer looking than before. “You are a very smart child, Klaus. But, no, I’m afraid in this case I mean, ‘You should ignore Mr. Black, whose first name happens to be Sirius.’”

 

“Excuse me, sir,” Violet said, trying to be as polite as should could, even curtsying someone when she spoke. “But Mr. Poe said that we would be looked after by Mr. Dumbledore."

 

"Ah, yes, but you see, I'm afraid that Dumbledore will not be here for a while," Mr. Lupin explained to the children. "So you have be left to the care of Mr. Black and I while he is away. I hope you don't mind terribly. I'm quite excited about it myself."

 

It was the first time in a long while someone claimed to be happy about raising the three orphans, and they were quite excited to hear such a thing. "Do you have any children," Violet couldn't help but ask, unable to keep from questions for too long. Besides, Mr. Lupin seemed so nice and well meaning, it was easy to imagine him with children of his own, and perhaps it would be nice to have others to play with.

 

"Ah, no, I'm afraid I don't," Mr. Lupin admitted, looking quite sad about this fact, and although they felt guilty about it, this also made the three orphans feel better about this new home. For if Mr. Lupin so wanted children, then perhaps they would be wanted. "I'm afraid, you see, that Mr. Black and I are not allowed, by wizarding custom, to even adopt."

 

"That isn't right at all," Klaus claimed, knowing about such laws from all his readings, and being very upset by them. It seemed to Klaus, as it seemed to all children who use sense rather than adults who do not, that Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin should not be stopped from having a family for any reason, so long as they would love them.

 

Of course, dear reader, you and I both know that the world is not quite as simple, and that many times there are villainous people out there. Sometimes they even hide themselves in disguise, pretending to be good people, but if you look closely you can tell the difference. For you and I both know that a person should be able to love any person they choose, even if that person is an actress and even if that person does not love them back and even, I'm very sad to say, if that person goes to marry another person who she should have not and leaves a certain writer entirely lonely and depressed and still, even then, completely in love with her. so much so that he would follow three orphans and take down their stories, as depressing as they were, just so that he might continue her story even after the fire.

 

"Mr. Black mentioned that he wasn’t here because he’s teaching," Violet brought up, curious as ever now that she saw Mr. Lupin was not angry at them for asking questions. "What, exactly, does Mr. Dumbledore teach?”

 

Mr. Lupin looked very confused for a moment, not over the question but rather over his answer. “Well… I suppose you will learn that sooner or later. Come into the kitchen. We have some snacks there, and I’m sure you must be starving-”

 

“Motz!” Sunny said, which meant that they were very hungry, and would love a snack.

 

“Now Sunny,” Mr. Lupin said, smiling at the youngest Baudelaire. “It is very rude to interrupt. But do not worry, we’ll fed you all the same and I’ll tell you all about Dumbledore and Hogwarts.”

 

To the three orphans, Hogwarts sounded like more of a nonsense word than even something that Sunny would say, but they were all both hungry and curious and so they nodded and followed along after Mr. Lupin into the kitchen.

 

The kitchen smelled just wonderful, if not as odd as the rest of the home, and the treats laid out for them were quite tasty, although none of the orphans had ever seen them before. They did not mind, however, and they were soon well feed and feeling much better than they had in a while.

 

It was Violet who, after neatly placing her dish in the sink, again brought up the question, “Mr. Lupin, what does Mr. Dumbledore teach?”

 

Mr. Lupin was helping Sunny put her own dish away, and smiled at Violet when she asked so that, for the first time in a while, Violet did not feel silly for asking a question. Which is, I am told, quite a wonderful feeling, as every child should feel like they can ask all the questions they need, and Violet had many she would like to ask. “Do you believe in magic, Violet?”

 

It did not seem entirely fair that Mr. Lupin had answered the question with another question, and one that Violet did not know the answer to. After all, on the hand she did think that maybe magic was real and that she had seen some herself only earlier today. On the other hand, Mr. Poe had told her not to mention magic around adult, and Violet was actually enjoying this house and did not want to upset Mr. Lupin. “I’m not sure,” she said, which was the only thing she could think to answer that was in the middle. “What does that have to do with teaching?”

 

“In Dumbledore’s case, it has everything to do with it.” And then Mr. Lupin told them about the most amazing place where magic not only existed, but was in fact taught to students and that Dumbledore himself was a wizard!

 

“That sounds amazing,” Violet said once Mr. Lupin was finished. “I would love to visit this Hogwarts, for I am sure it is filled with many amazing things and I could figure out how they worked!”

 

“And I would surely love to see the library,” Klaus added, “and learn about magic and all these new things you have told us about.”

 

“I’m afraid you cannot visit the school just yet,” Mr. Lupin said, and the children’s hopes fell, for just after learning of this new world it seemed they would never get to experience it. “Dumbledore wishes to keep you three safe, and for the time being that means remaining here.”

 

“Of course,” Violet agreed, though she was still rather saddened by the news. “We would much rather be safe.”

 

“Still…” And here Mr. Lupin began to smile. “I suppose Dumbledore wouldn’t mind if you looked into study, which is filled with magical objects and books and even a few hard bobbles that could be bitten on.”

 

Once again, for the first time in what felt like too long a time, the three orphans started to smile. “Really?” Klaus asked, thinking that perhaps this was some sort of joke, and a very cruel on if it was. “And he will let us in there?”

 

“Why, of course!” Mr. Lupin exclaimed, looking shocked at the idea that it might be otherwise. “You are children and children are meant to read and to learn and to ask as many questions as they need. I promise you, Baudelaire, that you will be able to do all these things to your heart’s content, so long as you are here. Where have you been living all this time?”

 

“Olaf!” Sunny voiced, and everyone knew she was saying, “somewhere absolutely horrid where learning was never encouraged.”

 

“Well, Sunny, you need not worry about that anymore,” Mr. Lupin promised. And I’m am sorry to say, dear reader, that was entirely wrong. The Baudelaire children would have to worry about such things again, and although they would spend a few months in this wonderfully impossible house, there would come a time when things would again turn horrid, and they would be faced with people that believe children should never ask questions, even when they are good children and even when they are good questions. I am sorry to say that, as much as Mr. Lupin wished he could have kept the three children happy and safe, the world is a dangerous place, and to keep anyone happy and safe was all but impossible. Even more so than the house they would live in.

 

Take comfort in this though, for in the coming times when they were huddled beneath an overturned boat in order to hide from the nearby fire or clinging to the side of a rainy cliff waiting on the pack of vultures to fly away the children often thought back on these months at this house and smiled, even though they were wet and cold and hungry and without a book to read.


End file.
